I have to admit my Baptism in 2012 has made many changes in me. Washing away the sins of the past brought me to learning to forgive others who caused me and mine hurt. It has been a process rather than an event. And so I file today’s observations under “the Lord works in strange ways” department.

I now have the blessing of living with my five year old grandson and his mom. He is very affectionate, but also headstrong, extremely defensive and he knows that he is right…Always. Needless to say, he is struggling to learn to fit in.

In many respects he reminds me of me as a boy of his age, and in some ways he is very different. We both have loving hearts. We have both been social misfits. The school yard, playground and lunch room can be very cruel places. As I work with him to integrate more in school and socially, I am having the odd realization that I too have been headstrong, extremely defensive and I have been “right” almost Always… most of my life. Thinking about the motivations and redirections for my grandson’s behaviors and responses, has me understanding some of my own behaviors much more clearly now as well.

Last night, was Valentine’s. I spent a good portion of the early evening alone, listening to sad broken heart songs and playing Solitaire on the computer. I then joined my family for Taco Tuesday and we explored all my grandson’s Valentine cards and gifts. He makes me smile.

After dinner in quiet time I realized the pattern of my own behavior and perhaps why I am alone this late in life. Oh I have friends and people who care dearly for me, I don’t mean to diminish the value of these cherished people. But I see now what I could not see when I was in the midst of it all.

I should have listened more, argued or demanded or shut down… less.  I should have extended more caring and been less all about myself at times when it really counted. (Still workin’ on that)

I know now God loves me and has a plan and that gives me great peace. I know He works through me and I feel that almost every day now. So the blessings I have are the friends, employers, co-workers and family who put up with me and my “stuff” through the years. I sincerely thank God for all those people who roughed it out with me. I understand better now, those who could not.

I apologize that I was that way, I do so now without trying to explain it or defend it. I see  now, much more of what I had not seen.

I am surprised and slightly in awe that it took a five year old to open my eyes a little wider to it all as I work to make his world a little more manageable both for him and for those around him.

We can never see all the Lord sees but He shares glimpses of great things the more we open our eyes to Him. The more we care for His children (young and old) on this planet the more He rewards us. He truly works in strange ways.