jayspath

I saw a good news story this weekend that touched me deeply.
It may seem a bit Pollyana-ish (is that a word?) of me to assume that a single high school organized club or group could change the world. We live in a world of Columbine, Las Vegas and the Sutherland Springs massacres which seemed so senseless. Equally heartbreaking is the spiraling number of youth suicides attributed to bullying. We scratch our heads and wonder, how could we have reached out to these people before things got so bad? What could be done to change things?
So when I saw this piece about a Boca Raton high school student who decided no student should have to sit alone at lunch I had a strong positive response.
I was no stranger to school yard bullying. In my own young life I was the victim of it from first to sixth grade at good ol’ PS 120 in Flushing in the 50’s and 60s. The kids were incredibly cruel. I missed the social introduction of kindergarten. Plus I was a goofy looking misfit of a kid back then. I promise the crowd can be merciless in taunting “the new kid” or “the misfit”. Singled-out and labelled, I took on the role of class clown to survive. By middle school my dental braces and a guitar helped me become less the focus of anti-social hurt. But deep inside me, my poor self-esteem and the schoolyard scars of never belonging and social rejection were dormant in me and affected my choices well into my 40’s.
My daughter’s both struggled in high school from “Mean Girl’s” syndrome. I recall how administrator’s were quick to point out how if my child was not socially “fitting in”, then perhaps counselling might be our best recourse. As a single Dad, (who did attend regular counselling with my daughter) I too was quick to point out that my child was required by law to attend school. I noted that, an adult subjected to the kinds of harassment that was happening in the lunchroom and school yard, would be protected by federal law. Not wanting to just be a complainer but also a problem solver, I even researched and suggested the formation of a High School Club called “Random Acts of Kindness” to give the ”misfits” a safe haven. The high school met the suggestion with a luke-warm response and did very little. Sadly, the social and self -esteem scars run deep in both my kids as adults. Thankfully, they survived.
Now my grandchildren are at risk of running the same social “misfit” gauntlet.
I recently took some of my grandkids to see the new film “Wonder”. A glorious heartwarming film about the struggles of looking different and fitting in. I want my kids and grandkids to be more sensitive to the joy of individuality and that all people deserve basic human respect.
I cringe at the folks who assume that Mean Girls syndrome and schoolyard bullying is “just the way things go”. “We all had to survive it.” No, it is far worse now.
How did we get here? Contributors to such damage to children in this millennium might be the nature of fractured modern families, or lack of faith/religious disciplines in many homes. Perhaps it is the advent of too much electronics and less social skills building in this generation. Children sleeping by the light of unsupervised television images and ideas. Texting, rather than finding real friends, laughing and crying, holding hands and hugging. Hugging by the way, is now banned in many middle schools. Don’t even get me started on that.
So I applaud this notion of Noticing or even “Looking For “a child alone at lunch and offering companionship over a meal. Brilliant in it’s simplicity. “Relationships are built over the table.” I urge kids, parents, grandparents, educators and counselors to take a few moments to learn a bit more about We Dine Together and Random Acts of Kindness.
Watch the CBS News story.
High schooler spreads the message that nobody should have to dine alone
Denis Estimon knows the feeling of eating alone, so he started a club at his high school called “We Dine Together”   CBSNEWS.COM

Here are some links to learn more.
We Dine Together
Random Acts of Kindness
What could be done to change things? Push for these programs in your local schools.
When I was working, once a month on payday in the morning breakfast drive-thru I would pay for the order of the car behind me. I’d ask the cashier to let the motorist know “God loves you.” It’s not quite dining together but it breaks social isolation a droplet. I loved the smiles and waves I would see in the rear-view mirror as I pulled away. It does a heart good.

It may be Pollyana-ish but if one life changes, well that is priceless.